I am having problems with putting my thoughts down… not sure if this will go anywhere…
I’m feeling kinda… uhm… bleh… if that makes sense…. not good and not bad… if that makes sense…
but this is one of those entries I just start to write without really having anything to say…
Yes I’m at home… and that is good… but yet at the same time it’s hard… I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that my body isn’t doing to well these days… which again effects my mentality, concentration and ability to have a clear thought in my head… let alone to put thoughts in to words…
Damn this sounds pathetic doesn’t it? I keep whining… writing the same thing over and over again… entry after entry… You must be tired of hearing it all… I am tired of writing about it… I am tired of me… but it’s been going on for so long and sometimes i feel as if I don’t know how to write…and/or even think about the good things in my life…
Yes… I had a very good day with my family yesterday… The weather was beautiful and we went for a walk… all six of us… We didn’t go very far… but it took a lot of energy for me… a lot of sitting down to rest ….but i made it… It actually felt good… and it made me want to beat this thing even more… but then… how long will that last?
I said I was feeling “bleh”… I guess that’s that numbing kind of feeling… where you want to believe you want to get better… where you want things to change… but your head won’t let go of the past… or the present… fear of failure maybe… fear of the future… and because of that fear you are paralyzed and you can’t move away from it…
…somehow you are always good in putting your thoughts into words.
repeating what you’ve said before, only shows how true your feelings are.
it is great you went together on a walk … and you surely will beat ‘this thing’!
… it takes alot of energy to want the change to getting better happen … but you will make it …step by step!
love & hugs 🙂
Dear Gabriel,
Hang in there my friend. May this period in your life pass as soon as possible. You are a precious soul, to your family and to your internet family, of which I am one.
You are rarely out of my thoughts.
(((((((Gabriel))))))
Best wishes from Australia.
David
Hey just wanted to send you some well wishes. Read a few of your posts, and you are really a courageous person. Good luck in your journeys!!! MySTiE