…at home but
i’m smoking again… well …. one cigarette… desperately wanting another one… in spite the nausea… so much for trying to stop…. so much for 59 days…
yesterday was OK…
day in the city…
the mall… family dinner at the in-laws…
family dinner:
detached, loneliness, different, sadness, self pity(?)…
anger… lots of anger… self hatred…
…Last night wasn’t good… bad dreams… triggers… psychotic symptoms… paranoia, hallucinations…
almost SIed… still urging badly but i’ll probably be OK… but at this stage i don’t want to talk about it…
…Right now i really don’t want to talk about anything…
Oh Gabriel! I wish i had been around yesterday though i know you said you didn’t want to talk about it. I see you’ve reset your SI counter so I’m guessing you did end up hurting yourself. I hope you’re ok though, or as ok as you can be at this time. Take care of yourself. You can beat this my friend, I know you can. Love you!
((((((((Gabriel)))))))) no matter what don’t forget there are people out here that love you!
Ah Gabe, I totally hear you in the struggle to quit smoking … I have been quitting on and off for the past 3 years and well … I haven’t been successful yet. I’ve always heard that when you really want to quit you can, and I think I really do since it leaves me not able to breath very well (I have severe asthma) but I go crazy if I don’t have one .. I hate the cycle. I wish you luck, and warm fuzzies *hugs*