I took a screenshot of this part of my side menu this morning before changing the date in the counter… It really should say SI free for 39 days… because I never made it to the 40th day…
Yes… I did end up SIing yesterday…
I could have prevented it… I could have stopped myself… I could have told someone… asked for help… something… but I didn’t… I didn’t because at the time I didn’t want to… I didn’t want anyone to talk me out of it or telling me not to do it…
The reward….short feeling of relaxation… relief… safety…
Now… I just feel more messed up… more guilty… stupid failure… and more confused of my existence and feelings…