3 Comments

1. 

   Sarah on August 7, 2004 at 6:54 am

   Gabriel,
   I only know a bit of what has been going on, I think….I’ve noticed everyone leaving..I’ve read their reasons…or, at least what I could, and I’ve read a bit at TF. I don’t know. I feel just as sad and frustrated with it all as the next person…but I can only begin to imagine what you must feel.. I know you probably won’t believe what I say…but know that I wouldn’t say any of it if I didn’t truely believe it. You do so much for us. You know that, everyone does. Please don’t let this drama change the way you feel about LB. I know it means a lot to you, a lot to everyone, really. But I do feel very disheartened to see all of these loyal members just packing up and leaving…….I only hope that you don’t do the same…..we would all miss you terribly. I’m here if you ever need to talk….though, I’m sure I couldn’t offer you much…
   (((((((hugs)))))))..to you.
   Sarah..
   ps- I agree with this whole “free speech” business……free speech doesn’t give one the right to hurt someone else’s feelings….it’s just all so sad..

   Reply
2. 

   Stephanie on August 7, 2004 at 9:34 pm

   Gabriel,I’m sorry that the things I’ve said have upset you. But I have to speak my piece, regardless of who it hurts. Yes, that is free speech. I know you just won’t understand this. But, I walk around everyday of my life always being concerned with everyone else’s feelings and thoughts and day to day lives even. I don’t have to do that in my online life if that’s my choice. And it is my choice.
   And you may not agree with it, you may think that it makes me a heartless raging bitch, and that’s fine. I can’t do anything about that, because you are entitled to speak your mind as well. But I have NEVER insulted you in any way, shape, or form. I have never lied to you, and I’m certainly not going to start now.
   Regardless of how you feel about me now, I still respect you, and I still care. And nothing you could say or do would change that.

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3. 

   Gabriel on August 7, 2004 at 10:51 pm

   ((((((((((((((Stephanie)))))))))))) First I want to say that I am having a lot of trouble organizing my thoughts so i hope you forgive me if i start not making sense… I don’t blame you for the way I feel right now… that is just as much my own fault as anyone elses… if not more by letting all of this get to me the way it has… Partly that has to do with me being triggered…. but on the other hand is really impossible for me to explain and I don’t think I even understand it myself. One thing I know is that I hate when people argue… wether i am directly involved or not… and quite frankly I have never understood this side of human emotions… Maybe it’s because in the past I’ve just stepped inside and had someone else take over and do that part for me but I don’t have that luxury anymore and no matter how much I wish it back it won’t happen… So either I will have to learn to deal with that on my own now or just avoid situations like that which i know won’t help in the long run… I won’t deny I have thought about resigning as an admin LB… in fact ever since the Beth thing… even before that I have thought about it on and off… I have two major reasons for that… both are equally pulling me towards that direction… one is the fact that I get triggered very easily by the smallest thing…. the other is my health and the fact that I will be having to be away in the near future because of it… and if I am lucky with the outcome of that then I will be having more problems towards my eating disordered head than i have now… I don’t know if me being here will make it harder… My ED is not triggered by anything that I read or see around there…. but I can deffinatly see that it would be a lot harder to let go while I am an admin here… For me there are other kind of triggers here… I run into them every single day… I don’t see them as something bad however…. yes bad at the time, scary and very unwanted but those triggers play a big part of my healing and I truly believe that if I avoid those I might just as well stop trying to work through my problems and lock myself from the world forever… I do have to say one thing though and I’m sure you are not going to like that… I am mad at you and others for draging forestgreen’s name it to this whole beth thing… not as an admin or anything else but my self… I don’t really care at the moment weather or not she is who she sais she is… but I can imagen how she feels right now… especially if she is in fact who she sais she is… not beth… I would have understood if you’d talked to her in private but in public I do not… You know Steph, that I have personally been in her position… I don’t want to talk about that here… and I do beliefe I have mentioned that on LB and a few years back on my journal… The only lesson I learned there was once a mud ball has been thrown there is no way to wash it off… no matter what… and I know that the experiance I had with this will stay with me forever… Another thing… Ever since I came back after my little vacation… and found your PM in my inbox about you asking me to delete your account… and maybe even before that… I have been so very close to deadmin Max…. I hate his childish remarks he made in the thread where Em was attacked and I was afraid that he might do something to cause a major problem between LB and TF… I thought I made it clear to him that if he did anything of the sort he was talking about in that thread… sending out virusis and what ever … he would not be an admin after that… I know that ultiately that isn’t my call… and I know that Meg hates the idea of deadminging people after what happend last time… but at the same time it isn’t her call alone either…. but that is what most people seem to beliefe and every ‘bad’ move we make is blamed on Meg alone… some of it she may deserve some of it she doesn’t deserve… but I will say that… (inspite the risk of sounding egoistic) that I have put more time and effort into LB than most… I look at LB being my ‘baby’ just as much as it is Meg’s… I have been there almost from the start… first very much behind the senes and I still prefer that actually… but I am there almost for every free waking moment of the day… making sure …or trying my best to make sure things run as smoothly as possible… yet now I feel it is rotting from with in when people are leaving… asking their accounts being deleted…. and there is nothing I can do about it… and that only makes me feel lost and confused… and thinking that I am probably don’t have what it takes to do this… but I know this… just like you… I refuse to give up on what I believe in… our believes are just different … that’s all… and that does NOT mean I don’t like you…. I am sorry if you are getting the impression that I am mad at you… or that I think any less of you for wanting to speak up about this… I don’t hate people… I don’t get mad at people… at least not for long… and I do admit that I take things like that way to personally… but that is something I will have to work out on my own… There is one thing I like you to know about me though… I am not afraid to speak up against something that I believe in… or to let people know how I feel about things… but I just prefer to do it in private and as respectfully as I can… most of the time that works for me… *sigh* Stephanie i’ve rambled to much again… but i just hope we can agree to disagree… and although i won’t deny that I wish you hadn’t left LB… I won’t hold it against you… I may not quite understand it but that’s ok… there are lots of things i don’t understand anyway 😉 and I am repeating my self again… I better stop this now…

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