Sometimes when I’m not feeling good, especially when I haven’t been feeling good for a while, I sit down and try to write something just to get my spirits up again… This was the out come of one of those writings…

This works for me… and it usually helps, just enough to feel a little better… at least for a while… long enough to get more optimistic and to climb up from that dark hole that I’ve been slowly digging for myself (intentionally or unintentionally).

It often seems like the deeper the hole gets the more determined I get… I’ll search for something… anything to hold on to… and somehow I am able to hold on long enough to gather the strength that I need to get through… whatever it is… and climb back up.

But climbing up isn’t easy in that sense of the word… and in fact at times it seems nearly impossible because I keep falling back into it… No matter how determined I am to get up it’s sometimes inevitable… falling back down will occur… and sometimes it even occurs when you’re least expecting it…

Many times I have believed ‘it to be over’ and thought to myself that giving up would be a relief… a solution to all my problems. It would have been so easy to have just given up a long time ago and the thing is that it is a much easier option.

…but I am still here…

…I am glad… no not just glad… I am happy that I am still here… No, it isn’t always easy being here…. but that doesn’t change the fact that if I wasn’t here I wouldn’t be able to look forward to moments like these… I wouldn’t be able to discover all the beautiful things in life …or the ‘moments’ of the future… I know they are there, …and I can honestly tell you that, I don’t want to miss out on them… not for anything… You see… life isn’t supposed to be a forever lasting peace of mind and happiness… It can’t be… because what would happen to ‘the moments’ of joy if they were every day for the rest of your life?

I said it in that post… the post that I’ve linked to twice already in this one entry….

After all the most important moments in one’s life are those little everyday things that make you feel the luckiest person in the whole wide world… just lucky to be alive and being able to live through moments like these…

…and if life was filled with a forever lasting peace of mind and happiness… you wouldn’t be able to recognize these most important moments from the rest… so I say no thank you… I’d rather have my ‘falling down to the bottom of my hole and climbing back up’ and ‘moments like these’.