…first post that is not a “test” post that is….
I have no idea where this is going to go… this being the first post at this website
…this being the first public journal entry I’ve written since 2005
What can I say… I went away into the land of psychosis and lost my way back for quite a while… I gave up on myself for a while and made an attempt to cut away the pain, the shame and everything else I was feeling at the time…
That’s when I decided to think up a plan…
I lied to my friends… I lied to my family… I lied to my doctors and therapist… the very people that was helping me to stay on top of the abyss down below me…
I lied because I couldn’t deal with the world… the hallucinations… chaos of my mind….
For a long time I felt I had to act as nothing was going on…
I put on a mask…
I thought it would be possible… that I could pull it off this time… so for a while I felt strong…
I was wrong…
I had a “backup” plan… which was to kill my self… painfully….
I almost succeeded…
I was in ICU for a while… then after that hospitalized because of my mental problems/health…
Was there for almost 30 months…
Eight years later … I am still here… alive…THANKFULLY!
