For a moment time stood still
The clock, a second past eleven
Walking slowly, gracefully
Sitting down by the window
He watches her… stunned by her beauty
The music starts… he still can’t take his eyes of her
Her body, her posture, her statuesque beauty
Reality hits as he misses the first note
As he continues on he hears a voice inside
No room in Wonderland for such beauty
– “You can’t have her”
– “You can’t have her”
They go on all through the night
Narrative voice of the voyeur explains
A story told countless times before
A formation, black and white, scarlet
Multi-colored ultraviolence
What they preach cannot be broken
It’s the law – or is it?
He made it through –
Seems like the roof will explode as the millennials cheer
She stands up, she´s smiling clapping her hands
Compliment from someone close by
He smiles but keeps his eyes on her
He feels anxious – tightness in his chest
Someone hands him a glass of his favorite medicine
Each sip – A glass – Makes him feel more and more divine
With it he can fly, socially high, so high he never wants to come down
He is the man of the night, the man of the party
Dancing on tables with girls
Giving people high fives
He’s the star
No sign of her.
A random girl speaks of engagement.
“Marry me?” she asks.
The Formless black polypous beings
Their bloodshot eyes lingers behind her
The other girls seem unexciting
He wants her and her only.
“You can’t have her” the voice in his head repeats
“You can’t have her”
Fallen Arch angel – having sinned
Even the beasts agree
He feels anger building up inside of him
Fear and overwhelming emotions of never seeing her again
The floor, the ground has opened up underneath his feet
He can feel everybody’s eyes piercing through his skin
Like a light switch
Flipped on or off
His lights go out
He’s thankful for being stubborn and a rebel
There are more tickets… more for her…
—
Do you believe in love at first sight? …I do… and I’m married to her…
We’ve had our ups and downs… we’ve separated once but I found my way back to her… and she let me back into her life… we’ve loved and lost …together… we have grown … together…
I’ve said it before… I’m not the easiest person to live with for a number of reasons… but I am grateful for that night where I had the worst performance of my life…
I have hurt her with my illnesses – so many times – made her worry…. made her cry
In psychosis I have blamed her wrongly…. called her names… hurt her in so many ways…
Sometimes I feel as she can do so much better than loving me… Sometimes I feel as I don’t deserve her …her attention ….her love…. but I am grateful for all the nights (and days) I’ve had her standing beside me no matter what…. in sickness and in health… I am grateful for all the laughs we’ve had together, all the tears we’ve cried together…
—
A moment in tears (- again )
He can feel the tears in his eyes as he walks to her and silently put his arms around her…
– What’s wrong? she asks as she wraps her arms around him…
– Nothing’s wrong.
– Then what is it? she asks again and he can sense she’s worried…
– Nothing’s wrong… he replies… I just remembered something….
– What is it?
– I just remembered how much I love you… and I realized how horrible I’ve been to you…
*tears*
– Can you forgive me? he asks through the tears… Can you forgive me for everything that I have put you through? …and please don’t say it was never my fault… I just need to hear you say that you can forgive me…
– Yes of course I can my love… I have already forgiven you… I love you…
…and for a while they just stand there in silence in the middle of the kitchen in each other’s arms and cry together….
—
For each moment to come, I will do my very best to be a better husband for you…
—
Words can’t describe my feelings for her…. I love her with every bit of every cell in my body… so much that sometimes it hurts and that’s when I am reminded to keep on fighting so I can stay with her a little bit longer…
The thing is that the girl I love is 50 years young today… Happy birthday Sunna!
[mp3-jplayer tracks=”FEED:/wp-content/uploads/mp3/Moonlight” width=’100%’ height=’auto’ images=’http://www.letters-from-the-moon.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/white_piano2.jpg’ style=’text wtransbars’ dload=’n’ captions=”Gabriel Arsante – Moonlight Sonata”]
I have treatment resistance bipolar disorder. I can ralte to so many of the thoughts you express, the guilt, I don’t deserve them and the list goes on. I’m so happy you and your wife found a way back to each other. It’s hard everyday, it’s harder for you in I raley have voices in my head. I’m so glad you were showing off because the 3rd track was beautiful and it’s really not my kind of music. You play awesome. Have a great weekend. 🙂
Thank you Melinda 🙂