I have been neglecting this blog lately… I know… and I probably will be doing exactly that for a while… It doesn’t mean I’m not really writing anything though but I have been slowly working on writing my story for a while now… Like I said it is coming along very slowly… one word at the time….
As you can imagine it’s not easy for me to write and having to go back in time to remind myself of that time… but it also gives me time to reflect and think of how far I have come… and I lucky I feel to be alive…
It also makes me realize that as a child you really don’t have the language to describe such things as sexual abuse, rape, suffering… torture… You don‘t know what is happening…. or why it is happening…. You don’t know or understand anything about mental illness or good… or evil… You only know what you are told… even though you don’t really understand it…
As an adult I still have problems with getting this into words… but I have the resources to find them… I also know that “writing it out” has helped me see a lot of things differently… Things that I have carried around inside of me for a long time and not had the chance to see or realize they were holding me back in my journey to heal… or to see and feel…and truly believe that I am not who my mother believed I was…
