I admit, I have either wanted to avoid knowing anything about this or been wanting to know everything I possibly can. Knowing myself… it has in fact surfed me better to not knowing too much about upcoming past procedures… at least not until they are over and done with… but this time I’m ready to roll and let fate what it’s way… uhm so to speak…

This kind of surgery is quite a big deal… and according to my doctor a big lifestyle changer for those who go through it… and quite high on the top 10 list of the most difficult surgeries to go through…

In my case the basic plan is to remove my esophagus… the whole lot… except for a tiny stump in my neck… just enough for them to connect with my jejunum …or what’s left of it… and a healthy part of it… In other words… They will be cutting out my stomach (or… again… what is left of it) along with my esophagus and tossing it to the trash… the same may go for parts of my jejunum… and all that means I will lose my lil’ cute button (my current feeding tube) and get those boring long dangly thing… The bright side is though… I may be able to get another one later on when the stoma is mature enough… if I will need it 😉 …and that’s really what I hope for…

For a while now I have been sleeping sitting up to help with or prevent aspiration… but after the surgery I can kiss the idea of ever being about to sleep laying down good bye… I admit I wasn’t too pleased with the idea in the beginning but I am used to it by now… and can totally live with that now… In fact it has helped my with some problematic sleeping habits… like turning and tossing uncontrollably… or as my wife puts it… running a marathon in my sleep… In the past I have ended up ripping off my ostomy bag and waking up in a pool of shit… literally… and pulling on my tube… so hard that it popped out at least once or twice…

I know eating won’t be easy peasy after the surgery… I will still have my troubles above the esophagus… but I also know it won’t be impossible… I just need to work extra hard on that one for a while… and quite frankly I don’t mind if I have to make everything go through a blender before eating it… as long as I can eat something…

But back to the deal… There are a two types of surgeries most frequently used… a transthoracic esophagectomy (TTE) and a transhiatal esophagectomy (THE). For the transthoracic one they open up the chest at one side… between the ribs… collapses a lung, and works through the side. For the trans-hiatal one the surgeon opens the belly and the neck and works up and down the chest…

Well I guess in my case that’s not enough… I always have to be the difficult one 😉 My surgery will be kind of a combination of both where they will be opening up my neck, my belly and my chest… and is considered the most radical of them… I am not going into much detail on why they need those three holes to work through… but I can tell you it’s mostly because of a previous “injury”… or two…

As you can see this is quite an invasive surgery… but using these three holes has it’s advantages… The esophagus is a bit difficult organ to get at as it is located along behind the heart and lungs and pretty close to the spine…

But enough about the surgery itself… Given my previous crazy moments while waking up from anesthesia this is always something that scares me… What will happen after and during this time… Usually my head plays enormous tricks on my most of them very out of this world… unreal… On a few occasions I have actually ripped of things like heart monitor and IV lines… I have ripped out an NG tube on at least two occasions… Those darn things are for me like a dash of oil on fire. … And I’m sorry to say it… I have hit a male nurse… not to mention screaming foul mouthed words at the medical staff… and my at wife several times… And this happens in spite of precautions… not all the time… but it has happened… It’s all in my files and since this is a much bigger hospital than where I usually go… they must have dealt with some other crazy dudes or dudettes in the past…

I don’t always know if it’s a hallucination or a nightmare… probably a little bit of both… but this is visual, auditory and I smell things that aren’t there… Sometimes these hallucinations are very real to me though… somewhat like a flashback… and sometimes I feel as I am being experimented on by aliens… yes I do know hot that sounds… and you probably giggled 😉 …I giggled too… but it sure isn’t something I want to giggle about while it is… or while I feel it is happening…

So… waking up post surgery is quite a task too… and all depending on my brain… I guess… I won’t be doing it all by myself though… I know that… but none the less… I know that one isn’t going to be easy… for me… or for my wife…

It’s not like I do this on purpose

But here it goes… This is sort of how it will be when I wake up… This is snatched from a patient’s info pamphlet I found online… but my info have this image as well… (I’m guessing that maybe they stole it from the internet too)…

Nice huh?

In a way… although in a different way… we have been through something like this before… I know this is going to be difficult for my wife… We have talked about it… and she has been to see her therapist… I know she’s a strong lady and I have her sister’s word she will be helping her out and being there for her the whole time…

I really do believe this is going to be OK…

  1. Broken Butterfly Wings Gabriel J Arsante 7:27
  2. Coldplay - A Sky Full Of Stars - Piano Cover Gabriel J Arsante 4:30
  3. No. 11 Piano Gabriel J Arsante 2:57
  4. Forever in my Heart Gabriel J Arsante 3:36
  5. Chopin Piano Concerto No. 1 - Movem. II - Romance, Larghetto Gabriel J. Arsante 9:58
  6. Canon In D 2014 Gabriel J. Arsante 2:28