I know not everyone who reads this have a Facebook account and/or have me as their Facebook friend… and since I’m getting messages/emails from people asking me how I’m doing I feel I should put an update on here… but I’m sorry for the lack of posting on here…
I will be going back to the center next Monday…. and Sunna will get back to work as well… This is where I get my therapy… speech therapy…. chance to socialize with other people and various activities… They have arranged for me to be able to have my naps and meals as well…. so that’s all good…
Each day comes and goes… Some days are bad …either physically or mentally… or both… and days some good. My energy level is still very low… and I fear my depression is kicking in because of it… and maybe because of me just staying home… even though I try to go outside for a walk everyday… sometimes more… but I spend a lot of time either in my bed resting… or sleeping…. or playing my piano…. but that one is somewhat a struggle however as I’ve been having some pain issues in my right side from the surgery… As long as I don’t do anything that requires much movement I’m OK(-ish)….
Eating is also still a struggle for me…. both mentally and physically… I’ve already talked about that in a previous post… I still have my j-tube and not getting rid of it anytime soon… but I feel I need to do this… this eating part… in the hopes it will become easier someday….
As it is now my mealtimes are six… sometimes seven… throughout the day… Each meal consists of very small amount each time and everything I eat is run through a mixer…. I’m still working on bigger chunks though… even though bigger chunks for me… means very small pieces…
I’m not drinking thin liquids… like water…. for now… as it normally wants to go the wrong way down… I don’t know if anyone remembers… but before my very recent esophageal problems and then cancer diagnosis I was supposed to have a surgery that would help me with food/liquids going down the wrong pipe…. Originally that was the plan for this month…. but things turned out differently so I’m still waiting for that one…
In spite of all these meals…and eating… which again… isn’t very much each time… I have no appetite at all…. I haven’t felt hungry for years and in fact I’m not sure if I can remember how it really feels like… but this is why eating by the clock is important for me…
One of the things that have bothered me the most is the fact that I don’t have much sense of taste at all now… and if I do sense taste… it’s not pleasant at all…. I don’t know if this is permanent or temporary though… I can’t say my sense of taste was good while I was still eating before the surgery… but this is frustrating… to say the least….
…but I am still standing…. still fighting myself or the universe…. and I will as long as I have to…
