participation positives

a way to start a monday
– feeling of love… without it i would be lost…
– knowing that there is someone else that loves you…. uncondisionally…
– thinking about someone I love… It is amazing how just to think of another people can heal
– holding some one in my arms and comfort them… and then see them smile again… all because I was there
… this may not seem like much but it means a whole lot to me…


participation positives… a way to start Monday It may not seem much but…..

1. My family and friends love me unconditionally

2. Sunna has a week of from work so I can stay home with her and my children.

3. Too much sleep (I’ve been sleeping a lot more than I’m used to… I’ts weird but I need it)

4. Jess’s one and simple positive for to day πŸ™‚ One simple 4 letter word that means so much LOVE.

5. My sister Angela for making me laugh

6. Waking up and drinking my morning coffee with Sue (I didn’t this morning as I over sleapt *again* but it made me think how much I miss it when we don’t chat in the mornings)

7. Sometimes this is a positive and sometimes it’s not…. I’ve gained 5 kilos since end of April/early May…

I’m probably missing something but oh well…. 7 positives is good

participation positives

Jess has started this very much needed project
Here are my monday morning positives:
…Sunna and my kids love me unconditionally
…I got to spend time with them over the weekend
…I have friends that care about me
…I haven’t SIed since Friday
…Bri and Breezy hugged “my” pillow πŸ™‚
…a friend that I haven’t talked to in almost a year messaged me on YIM πŸ™‚
My music is online again even though the site isn’t quite ready
~ gabriel


p o s i t i v e s
1. My wife and kids
2. This entry and this website
3. Trillian for making me not feel alone
4. Giorgia for sending a compleat strager a beautiful painting she painted
5. Sue for just being Sue
6. Noah finding the love of his life
7. Multiplicity
8. Andre for throwing his pillow at me (Yes I know that one sounds weird but it is a good thing LOL)
9. Everyone in the Anacronic Army and the rest of the dark personalities mailing list for just being them.
10. Hugs left on my instant messengers that pop up when I log on in the morning (and during the rest of the day)
11. My website as for being a place where “we” can rant, ramble, laugh and be ourselves no matter what.
12. People, strangers that keep coming here and give me support, hugs and taps on the back when I need it…and even those that lecture us too (sometimes that is what I need)

What are you positives at this exact moment? …We’d like to hear them…..


Not doing good enough to say something meaning full but instead…..a try for a few positives….

  • 1. Amber, Emma and Gabriel (my children) and the *guys inside*
  • 2. My friends… you know who you are…
  • 3. Noah’s butterfly story
  • 4. My Pooh bear
  • 5. Crayons and coloring books πŸ™‚

One fine day

I’m having one of those days when I feel like I can’t write anything worth writing… Last week was difficult but I survived it… My kids came for a visit yesterday afternoon…and as much as I wanted to talk to them about what they had been doing since I last saw them…all I could do was to sit and hold them and never let go… I think even though the had been looking forward to see me they were equally looking forward to leave LOL…
To day was extra special…:) *Wink* to *someone* that is very special to me. It’s kind of weird (not bad weird though *g*) when you think about it that someone you have never talked to or hardly ever had a chance to chat with online…can have that so much effect on you….but weird or not…it’s a good feeling and I wouldn’t want to miss it for the world…



Ok I am not going to rant this time
I haven’t done this in a really long time..sorry DebLynn….

Gabriel’s Monday Positives.

  1. My very best and deares wife who always seem to surprice me no matter what I say or do…
  2. My beautiful children who warm me up with their smiles
  3. Friends like Sue,
  4. My Thought Space
  5. People that makes the world worth living in (Everyone mentioned abowe and and YOU.

I know those aren’t many but like I said I haven’t done this in a while….
Now I’d like to hear your positives πŸ™‚ hint hint…..


1. Sunna loves me and I love her
2. I love my kids and they love me
3. Sunna again….she really saved me yesterday with her big mouth lol.
4. computer technology….I can make midi files and making them sound the way I played before….. hmmmm with a few mistakes though
5. Janice loves my music….and so does everyone else that hears it…. sorry I’m NOT bragging LOL
6. Becca and Rabbit/Kerri who made me feel that I’m worth something yesterday when I thought I wasn’t ….hugs to you both….
7. I am still SI free.
8. I am still alive……
9. Bus and GROWW ( a support for loss of a loved one )
10. Judy ( the boss at GROWW ) for wanting to be my cyber mom… for excepting me for who and what I am with out judging me for SI’ng and for writing me the most wonderful e-mail. This woman is an angel on earth!


I want to start by thanking all of you who replied to my last post and sent hugs for yesterday. I think this is probably the first Aug. 16th that I haven’t gone on a guilt trip or SI’ed in 7 years….maybe that’s because this is the first Aug. 16th I have bus and friends that understand…who knows? πŸ™‚

Well here are my positives:
1. Sunna loves me and I love her
2. I love my children, Kim, Meg, David, Johnny, Amber, Tina, Emma and Gabriel.
3. I haven’t cut in 6 days
4. I got a postcard from Kim, Meg, David and Johnny from heaven yesterday… Yes I know this sounds strange but actually it was sent by a mother who has also lost a child.
5. I made a few new midis this morning and they are really good πŸ™‚ (hehe wanna hear them? then e-mail me)
6. Jan’s email made me smile πŸ™‚
7. Bus

Positives and Negatives

1. Sunna still loves me.
2. I will be home from the hospital next week and then I will be able to see my kids.
3. I am not depressed.
4. I’m alive
5. I made Janice smile
6. My aunt is still here
7. My father said he cared about me and I believe him
8. Christian is a great friend
9. Sunna and Christian had a very good time on their vacation
10. Sunna spoke to Janice and Alex on the phone
11. I found my way back to bus thanks to Sunna and Deb
12. My therapist and doctor are great and they care about me
13. I am still a Yahoo.Geo CL even though I’ve been away for more than 4 weeks.
14. I haven’t had this many positives for a long time.
And then the negatives.

This month is one of the most difficult months for both me and Sunna. It’s the anniversary month of our children’s death. On August 16th it will be 7 years since they died but it will also be 7 years of my mothers death ( and pardon me that is a relief sorry if that sounds bad ) Up until now I’ve felt the over whelming grief coming to me when this day approaches but now I just don’t feel anything. Maybe it’s because I’m still in hospital but maybe it is because I’m allowing my self to hate my mother.

No matter the reason I DO want to feel sad. I want to be able to grief my children and not having my mother taking that away from me. She took my childhood away and I can’t do anything about that but this I can change….

I just don’t know how….and that makes me feel even worse. I feel so weak and stupid for not being able to fight her. I keep telling myself that she is dead and she can’t get me now but she always does. She said once that she wanted to take my children away from me and that I didn’t deserve them. She succeeded in a way but she can’t take my memories about them away from me.

  1. Broken Butterfly Wings Gabriel J Arsante 7:27
  2. Coldplay - A Sky Full Of Stars - Piano Cover Gabriel J Arsante 4:30
  3. No. 11 Piano Gabriel J Arsante 2:57
  4. Forever in my Heart Gabriel J Arsante 3:36
  5. Chopin Piano Concerto No. 1 - Movem. II - Romance, Larghetto Gabriel J. Arsante 9:58
  6. Canon In D 2014 Gabriel J. Arsante 2:28