Precious Memories

I want you to get to know them…  I need to talk about them like I do with my living children… I need you to know about them and how much I love them… how much I miss them and how much I wish they were here…

This isn’t about what happened to them… or how they died…. This is all about honoring their lives and tell the world how much love they had… and still have…

These are just a few random memories… and random thoughts….  When I had my children with me I was working as a professional concert pianist… I was working on records….  I was traveling… performing at concerts….  And when I was at home I spent a lot of time at my piano…   

 

Meg and Kim

They were born in April 1987

Some of my most precious memories of my girls are of them sitting under my piano, playing…  It was their favorite place to play…  Sometimes when I hear or play some of these pieces I did back then… I can feel their presence… hear their voices …their laughter through the music…  Another piece by Chopin that reminds me of my girls is an etude of his… The butterfly etude…  For some reason that one always made them giggle…  They talked about it made them have a tickling feeling in their tummies…     

I have a memory of my girls come running into the living room where I was playing my piano as usual… practicing… They were excited… both of them…. excited about the rainbow outside… telling me I had to come outside with them and see it…

I wonder what they would be like… Kim, would she still be playing the piano? …or would Megan have a zoo in her room?

I see them dancing beside me at the piano…. Moving around the floor like two little butterflies in their cute little dresses…

1991 – Christmas memory

Journal entry from Dec 9, 2003

It’s Christmas 1991…

We’d been in town…shopping for Christmas all day… gifts, clothes for the kids, a tree… It was very late when we finally got home… The girls were excited and refused to go to bed until we’d got the tree in place… but they wanted to make sure we wouldn’t start decorate it without them… We made a promise to them that we wouldn’t and as everybody was tired after a long day… everybody fell asleep as soon as the head touched the pillow…

It seemed like every other morning…. I didn’t feel like waking up just yet…

I could hear that Kim and Meg were already up though… I could hear them playing and talking in the living room… A few breaths later one little head peeked inside our bedroom….

“They are waking up!” She whispered to her sister…

“Oh no! …we’re not done yet!”

Hmmm?? …. I wondered what they were up to… I knew I could expect anything from those girls… like the time they decided to bring us breakfast in bed just a few weeks before but only to find out that it is difficult to take a full bowl of cereals with milk for a walk without spilling it all over the kitchen floor, the living room floor …and…. and all over mom…

I think I fell asleep again… but not for long as the boys were waking up as well… I could hear Johnny getting frustrated for not being able to get out of his bed… He’d already thrown his teddy bear on the floor…

“It’s time to get up!” Sunna said… as she stood up from the bed… and I thought I’d better do the same…

The twins came to our bedroom with a cute suspicious looking smile on their faces….

“Guess what we did?” Meg said… only the get a push from her sister… “Schuss! don’t tell!…. you promised!”

Sunna and I looked at each other…both remembering all the work we (her) had to do after their last little stunt… but Meg wanted to be the first to tell… and she couldn’t wait to tell us…

“We decorated the living room… and the Christmas tree!! …and it’s so pretty… but we couldn’t put the angel on top because it was too high…”

Proudly the girls led us into the living room…. it was the “cutest” tree I’d ever seen… decorated with our Christmas ornament but also a few well-chosen items from the kids toy boxes… Somehow they’d even managed to put the lights on …. but I should tell you that this tree was more than twice their size… and because of that the tree was a bit naked at the top… but that didn’t matter to the girls… Their faces were glowing with pride… and there was no way we were going to say anything to ruin that…

This was the year we had a half-naked Christmas tree in our living room….

This was the last Christmas we got to spend with our little girls and their two younger brothers…

When my David was born I was away… he decided to be born three weeks before the set date…  Chopin’s Piano Concerto No 2 is what reminds me of him… For me it has always been ‘his song’ … 

About a Boy

Journal entry from Nov 5, 2014 

This is about a little boy named David…

When he was born no one was expecting him to arrive for another three weeks at least but he didn’t wait for the rest of the world to be ready.

His dad didn’t get the chance to see him arrive into the world as he was in another country far away working…

David was never quiet… he never got tired of asking questions….like he wanted to know everything there was to know….. David was the most curious kid and people who met him talked about it… His mom and dad used to joke about that and told people that his first word was “why?”

Like so many times before…. David’s dad came home very late in the night…. after many hours of work… or maybe it was morning already…. There was nothing different about that night… it was just as any other…. As many times before daddy decides to take a look at the kids….

Mr. Teddy Bear and David had kicked the covers down to the floor so daddy pick it up and tug them both in…

Everyone seems to be sound asleep…. but within a few minutes the house is awake….

Soon daddy has to leave again along with mommy and David’s baby sister…. Before they leave David climbs up to his dad lap and asks… “Why are you leaving? – Why can’t I come with you? Why can’t we all go?”

His daddy gives him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and tells him to be good…. and take care of the house until they come back….

Mommy and daddy never saw David again….

Johnny was born on June 20th 1991. He was almost 14 months when he was taken away from us. Although I didn’t get to know him very well that little baby boy left us with unforgettable moments for us to remember.

It was my last big concert…  Beethoven’s Piano Concerto No 5… known as The Emperor”…. In Vienna, Austria…    I almost missed knowing him because I was never home.  I do remember his smile…  He had his mom’s looks…

He was supposed to be born around the 11th but for some reason he decided it was best to wait. His mom’s doctor didn’t agree with him so he gave him a little “push”.

The days after he was born all he wanted to do was to sleep and he even got a little angry if he was picked up for his meal or changing. His mother had to tickle his toes just to keep him awake so he wouldn’t starve to death but he soon grew out of that habit. At the age of five months he turned into a big party boy and when mommy and daddy wanted to go to sleep he woke up and demanded their attention.

He was supposed to be born around the 11th but for some reason he decided it was best to wait. His mom’s doctor didn’t agree with him so he gave him a little “push”.  

He was a healthy little boy… at birth a bit bigger than his older brother…   and this time I was blessed with the privilege of being there… to see him draw his first breath in this world and to make his first sound…  

Late nights… working… over at the “other house”… or away for studio work…   Almost every night… or in my memory…. it seems that way…  I hardly ever saw him awake except maybe when his mom took him over to check on us…

I can still picture his little face in my mind… fast asleep in his crib… when I came home.  Everybody was sound asleep…  As I laid in my bed wide awake for hours with my eyes locked at this wonderful little being… listening to the music of his breath ….and his mother’s…   those two wonderful human beings…    Sometimes an overwhelming feeling of something horrible happening to them would hit me….  all of them… or fear of losing them…   

 

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