The night before our last goodbye…

I spent most of the night with her… It wasn’t bad… She was calm… unusually calm… She told me I was “doing good”…  but yet she warned me as usual, to “be careful” …  Of course I knew what she meant by that… and I told her, like I always did… not to worry…. I would…   

Time passes in a blur… spent consciously in a faraway place deep inside…  

It’s 5:30 in the morning… She tells me to go… I give her a goodnight kiss and head home to my wife with a black spot on my heart… It’s just a few minutes walk… 15 minutes tops…

It’s a little dark… and cloudy…  no moon  or stars in sight…  and it’s a bit chilly… but no wind

I decide to quietly look at the kids… to see if they are alright… In the girl’s room I almost fall flat on my face in the dark while trying to climb over a pile of cloths lying on the floor…

I smile… as I remember them playing dress up a few days before and Meg putting on too many layers of cloths with her sister’s assistance… then unable to get herself out of the mess since her sister refuses to help her out….

I manage to keep my balance and I stand there quietly… just long enough to hear them breathing peacefully in tune with each other….

I climb back over the mountain of clothes and into the boy’s room….

Mr. Teddy Bear and David have kicked the covers down to the floor so I pick it up and tug both of them in… But as I leave the room his arm and his leg reach out from under it…

It’s already getting close to the time when Johnny usually wakes up and I’ll just take a peek at him… just enough to convince myself that he’s OK…

From the master bedroom I can hear Amber is starting to wake up…

Within a few minutes the house is awake… and no time for me to sleep as Sunna and I had to leave early…  

The Last Goodbye

We were invited to a birthday party in the city… Honestly I wasn’t that keen on going at all but I was willing to do it for my wife… and she was really looking forward to it.

A few days before… my mother had said she would be more than happy to babysit the kids but Sunna suggested we would just take the kids with us since her sister had already offered to baby-sit for us while we were at the party…

Taking five children on a long drive wasn’t exactly my idea of “a brake” or fun at the time so I told Sunna that it would be better for them to just stay at home… Somehow I got her to agree with me to leave the twins and the boys at home… We would only take Amber with us but she was only a few months old and still breast feeding…

We said our goodbyes in the morning and took off. I remember telling Sunna not to worry because we would be back the next day.

When we arrived to the city we took the baby to my sister in law and spent a few hours there… then in the evening we went off to the party. I don’t really remember much from the party but we didn’t stay there very long… At least the party was still ongoing when we left… but instead of going back to Sunna’s sister place we drove around the city for a while…

It must have been almost 3 o’clock when we decided to go to Aurora’s house and go to sleep. When we got there we could hear Amber crying and I thought that something must be wrong with her. I remember thinking something like “Maybe she was sick”…

When we got inside… Aurora was on the phone and we could see that she had been crying. When she saw us she put the phone down and walked towards us with tears flowing down her cheeks. She told us to sit down and hold each other. We had no idea what she was getting at but did what she’d told us.

I didn’t want to believe what she said….

There had been a fire at our house and our children and my mother had died. Everything was destroyed!

Chaotic Evil

I got on the phone and called my father. I realized this wasn’t some kind of a sick joke as I was hoping.  I can’t remember what we said… what words were used… but there was agitation… anger at my end of the line….

My only thought was that this was my fault.  I hadn’t done what I was supposed to do since we left the house….  and now…. it was too late…   

I remember debating in my head… – what to do –   

The news of the children dying was horrible but…. The mother didn’t exist anymore…  

The same words kept playing inside my head… over and over again… This is all your fault diabolico….  I felt I had to do something about it…  but it had to wait…. I had to be alone for that…

Everything went crazy that night. Sunna wanted to go back home but I couldn’t find any reason to go and Aurora was also telling Sunna not to go.  She was right as this wasn’t a good time for her to be driving anyway.  

Soon Aurora’s house was full of Sunna’s family.   I couldn’t stay any longer…  I took off without saying goodbye to anyone….   ended up in the nearest bar….   Had a few  drinks… and there was that voice again…

   –   “This is all your fault, DIABOLICO” !   

Another voice, much weaker….  

   –   “You’re free! –  She’s not here to control you anymore…”

I felt I could never go back there… To me it seemed that there was nothing there to go back to…

That though was even more scarier than the rest…  She wasn’t there anymore!  I was alone!  I could never say anything about it…  no one would ever know…  I was free to do what I wanted but afraid…. Afraid and relieved at the same time…

I felt guilty…. it was all my fault… I knew I had been slacking off… being careless… I was EVIL… just like she said…  

   –   “Put on earth to destroy people’s lives… in disguise off an angel… “

My mother wanted to take care of the children and I had convinced Sunna to leave them at home… She wanted them to come with us….   I should have listened to the signs… the dream…. nightmare a week before…    

I shouldn’t have slacked of…  I needed to feel what it was like…. to burn… to feel it burning….  It had to wait until the morning….  until the pharmacy was open…

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